How to Talk to Your Parents

 

Pick a quiet place where you can talk to a parent or other trusted adult in private. Ask them to come to your room, go for a walk, or set a time when you won’t be bothered.

 

Sometimes it is harder to ask a parent for support if you’ve been arguing or not talking at all. If your relationship has been rocky, it can help to pick a time when you're not in the middle of a fight. You may even need to begin the conversation by apologizing for any hurtful actions.  If you are upset and need to bring it up, try to calm down enough so they can understand what you’re trying to tell them. Then, just tell them you’ve been feeling overwhelmed and need some help.  Saying something simple can be just enough to start the conversation:

• "I'm sorry I’ve been rude to you lately.”
• "I am sorry I have been messing up a lot.”
• “I need to talk about some things.”
• “I may need some help.”

 

Talking to your parents about what happened and how it has affected you takes courage. If you're worried about how you're going to put it into words, you may want to leave them a note or send them a text or e-mail. Tell them it’s important and you'd like to get together with them as soon as possible.

 If you're not sure how you're going to explain your feelings once the talk gets started, write down everything you want to say ahead of time. You don't have to read what you wrote word-for-word, but you can have it with you in case you lose your way during the conversation.  Writing a list will help you to ensure you get what you need out of the conversation, some things that may be important to bring up are:

• What happened?
• How I am feeling
• The hardest part or what you're struggling with most
• Ask to talk more in the future

Your parents will probably want to do all they can to help you, but if you're concerned they're going to be angry, or disappointed in you, you may want to have a trusted brother, sister, older relative, minister/priest, or friend join the conversation. Another person who knows you really well could help explain your feelings to your parents, especially if you get upset or freeze up.

Once you tell your parents you want to talk, try to be as open and honest with them as possible about what you’re going through. Even if you don’t talk about the trauma itself, it can be important to tell them where you’re at in dealing with things.

• Tell them if you're feeling sad, angry, guilty, or confused.
• Tell them if you are having problems at school, with friends, or in dealing with certain memories of the trauma.
• If there are certain aspects of your situation you are uncomfortable sharing, just tell them you aren’t ready to talk about those things quite yet.
• They may continue to ask how you are doing, but it is good to remember they aren’t nagging you, they just care.